So, I’m sitting here at my desk. I’ve gotten my morning adminstrative tasks done, and now I’m picking up writing this post for the third time. It’s been A Week. I feel like I have one of those weeks a couple times a month but this one really hit it. One week ago today, my husband got laid off. Again! 5th time now in our almost 18 years of message. Nothing against him – he just fell in love in Business School with the worst career choice ever. Who would have known? When there’s a merger or aquisitions a new board president who goes on a rampage cutting corners, or the economy tanks and they decided to keep all the subject area experts – who gets laid off? Human Resources. Also sometimes accounting, admins, even legal. But ever gosh darn time HR gets the axe. Here we are again. Sorry if I’m a little salty but I’ve been hearing people reminding me how great it is that I know exactly what to do like just because I know how to register for medicaid I’ll be less stressed this time.

We went through a three year period where the economy was shit and he was un- or under- employed. Like the 7 months he spent working for the county as a temp at $14.50/hour because that’s the rate for temps whether your answering phones or setting up a complex HR system with your 10+ years experience. We were on food stamps and medicaid while he worked for the county and kept getting promised that the job would go perm. He lost out to a disabled vet. Not even a vet who was disabled due to their service. It sucked. That three year period was filled with temp jobs that paid shit because everyone wanted someone with experience to organize or set up their HR system so they could hand it off to a cheap admin. So I know what this period of uncertainty could hold. I hope and pray for the best but I’m not going to sugar coat it and not expect the worst. Knowing how to sign up for medicaid and eventually other things as our situtation potentially goes downhill is no conselation.

And now WWIII is starting in Ukraine, a place I hold dear to my heart for many reasons, one of which is that I visited Kyiv in 1997 for a summer. My heart breaks for this country and especially the people. Makes my own struggles feel insignificant but then that’s one of the first things I learned in therapy a long long time ago. If it is something you are stuggling with, then that struggle is valid. It doesn’t have to be held against you that others might have it worse. It’s not a comparison game because you will *ALWAYS* find someone whose situtation is worse than yours. And that’s where I’m at right now. Sitting in my grief that we are entering yet another chapter of unemployement. Trying not to spiral into a depression with all the world events. Holding space for grief, self care, deep breathing, and prayer. It’s a lot. But I can manage. (sorry for the spelling errors, word press really needs to add spell check to their blog capabilities).