What the heck, people. Have you read about women hitting peri-menopause and suddenly their brains stop working? And then they end up with a late diagnosis of ADHD, autism, or some other form of neurodiversity? Yeah. Somethings up. My therapist agrees. I probably won’t have the money for a proper neuro-psych eval anytime soon but I’d love to get more input and work done in therapy and see if we can’t pinpoint what might be going on. I have never been this forgetful or absent minded or at a loss for words than I have this spring. It’s annoying more than terrifying. I know the schedule has been busy (having a HS senior and prepping for college is no joke) but I use to be a competent hold-it-all-together kind of person and that facade is crumbling hard. ADHD might be a possibility, even autism might be in there too – it is a spectrum and maybe I’m just a smidge over the line but there are hints.
Anyway, what is helping is renovating my office. I know that sounds like a big time-suck away from my actual work and it can be. And renovating is a misleading word. More like moving and redecorating. Long story probably too long still, we bought this house in 2005 because it had a “finished” basement with a full bath and it’s own walk out entrance with big windows – hence a space we could rent to help with the mortgage. By finished I mean 1970s paneling and orange shag carpet – which praise be had zero water stains underneath when we pulled it up. We painted everything bright white, put up a wall to divide it into a living space and a bedroom/bath, installed new carpet, and put the space up for rent. It has a kitchenette and storage and at the time had the much better bathroom. We’ve had tenants for 18 years. EIGHTEEN. They have all been lovely people and for that we’re thankful. But I never thought we’d still be having tenants 18 years later when we moved in. When the last one moved out in December I put my foot down and said no. We need the space for our family and in a post-covid world where my husband has been working from the living room for four years we need more space for our family and the kids to be able to gather and have friends over.
Add to that whole mix the fact that my parents moved from Philly to near-ish to us this past winter as well. On wednesdays, when husband is in his actual office, my mom has been coming over and we’ve been cleaning (ADHD body doubling anyone?). From tackling the overflowing storage mounds in far reaches of the basement laundry/storage room, to kids clothes, to books, and just deep cleaning all the corners, we’ve been getting a lot of shit done. Bags and bags to the thrift store. More stuff just trashed. And while moving into our basement has been a slow process (we’d been waiting for husbands job to go perm before making it official), I realized with summer looming we couldn’t do yet another season of school break tip-toeing around dad’s office in the living room without having proper space for kids/friends to hang. So the big “no budget renovation” began. I think I’m still under $200 for expenses – I’ve been scoring big time on our local buy nothing group – got shelves, a couch, all sorts of goodies from there. I even bought paint to turn what was our tenants bedroom into my office slash a guest room with a gift card. A guest room! For the first time ever we will be able to host people! And just in time as my SIL and BIL are coming from Texas for the graduation!
If you’re still following along, this is still a story about my brain and it’s lack of functionality lately. I have two to-do lists: One for photography/editing and one for renovating. As I cross something off my work to-do list, I get to do something on my fun to-do list. Unpack a pile of boxes full of books for the recently moved and reclaimed bookshelves. Hang pictures. Finish painting. Organize office storage. It’s actually working to keep me on task, not get overwhelmed, and I finally have enough space that things have places to be put. I have a junk drawer too! I’ve never had one! The joy that brings me is so huge because the things I don’t have a space for yet have a space to be shoved. It’s awesome. Slowly but surely I am pecking away at work and getting the fun done. The problem still remains that I’ve brainfarted all over print orders and communications this spring and to all who have been impacted I apologize. The color coded lists and post it notes everywhere are helping but I don’t know if I’ll ever get my brain back. This might be the new normal of one’s mid 40s. And that makes me feel way older than being the mom of a fully fledged new adult.